


The Descent

by threadofgrace



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Community: ohsam, Gen, OhSam Celebrating Sam Challenge, Post-Episode: s05e22 Swan Song, Sam Winchester in Hell, Sam-Centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-04
Updated: 2017-05-04
Packaged: 2018-10-27 22:25:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10818006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/threadofgrace/pseuds/threadofgrace
Summary: Samfalls.





	The Descent

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the Celebrating Sam challenge in the Oh Sam LJ community. 
> 
> The prompt was: Katabasis
> 
> (From Wikipedia: Katabasis or catabasis (Ancient Greek: κατάβασις, from κατὰ "down" and βαίνω "go") is a descent of some type, such as moving downhill, the sinking of the winds or sun, a military retreat, a trip to the underworld, or a trip from the interior of a country down to the coast.)
> 
> Spoilers for S5e22-Swan Song
> 
> Also, if you've read this on my live journal, I've made some minor changes.

Sam

 

falls.

 

He falls with the Devil in his head and Dean's face hoarded like a promise against his eyelids.

The wind whips around him while the Devil beats frantically on the doors of his mind, howling to be let out from the prison Sam has made for him there and detailing with vicious, bone-breaking precision his plans for a dazzling, drawn-out revenge on Sam, on the world, on Sam again.

The Fall is Infinite. Lucifer is Infinite. Sam is not made to be Infinite, it's not in his nature. When they reach the Cage, Lucifer vows to find new and infinite ways to make him end, over and over again. Sam hears it like a promise, this pledge of endless pain. Lucifer tells him that very soon he will come to think of it as a gift.

Sam can sense Infinity waiting for him down below, can feel it slithering up to greet him with black, numbing hands. It's making him ready, molding him and cracking him open, until he's the creature they want him to be, the creature he's been waiting to become since he was 6 months old and squalling.

The thread of his Submission dances delicately on the wind, just outside his grasp. If he wants to catch it, all he needs to do is reach out. It will hurt, but the pain will feel like Salvation. 

 

It seems like all he does now is either let the Devil in, or let him loose again. 

Around and around they go, Sam and Lucifer on a giant wheel, never mind who gets crushed underfoot. 

 

Curled within his mind like a giant cat, Lucifer purrs his approval.

 

Sam thinks _not yet, but soon,_ and earns a yowl of enraged disappointment. Coming as it does from the space inside his head, its a spike of loathing which slices into him like a personal failure, like one more thing he wasn't able to do for someone who loves him.

And Lucifer loves him, that's one thing Sam's sure of now. It's a love that slices you open and rearranges your insides in new and interesting patterns, a love built on a foundation of devastating submission, but its love nonetheless, maybe truer and realer than any Sam has ever yet experienced. 

You can't let the Devil inside you and not have him love you for it.

Dean's face flickers briefly in front of his eyes, like something he's forgotten. As if Dean could possibly ever be something he forgets. He suspects that once he's been down in the Cage for long enough to forget everything and everyone he's ever known, when he can't remember his own name, Dean will still linger on his tongue, like the aftertaste of something rich and sweet. He hopes that's what will happen.

 _A fairytale_ says the Devil in his mind.

And has Sam always had the Devil in his head? He understands now that he's always been falling.

 _Your brother will forget you_ says the Devil and there's no glee and no rage left, just a matter-of-fact tone of truth that flays Sam open with ruinous precision. _Most likely, he already has._

Sam concentrates on the currents of wind which beat his cheeks with the ferocity of a forgotten lover. He thinks about sun warmed soil and how it felt to walk barefoot in a garden. He reminds himself what trees smell like. 

 

_Who exactly do you think you're hiding from Sam? You were the one who wanted your brother to move on._

_And frankly, it's no less than you deserve. Not after what you did._

 

 

What he did, what he did, what he did to the world.

What he did, what he did, what he did to Dean.

What he did, what he did, he did, he did, he did...

 

 

It's a steady tattoo of guilt that beats in time with the wind.

He needs to remember.

He doesn't deserve to forget. He doesn't deserve the release that forgetting would bring.

 

 _Don't worry Sam_ says Lucifer. Now he's cooing, like the mother Sam barely had and doesn't remember. _I'll make sure you won't forget. I'll ink into your organs. I'll chisel it into your teeth._ He's cradling Sam from the inside out, soothing and reassuring until Sam has to bite back a whimper of relief.

_What do you say Sam?_

He wants the pain to start. He's been waiting for forever and now he's full to bursting with the sudden faith that with Lucifer to guide him through it, he won't be permitted to make a mistake. And that's the most he can ask for here.

He breathes in deep and savors his body for a final moment, the sweet symmetry of his muscles and bones and the freedom of his blood to go where it chooses. Then on the exhalation, he lets the Devil out in an arcing rush of anticipatory terror.

Below there's ground rushing up to meet them,

the

end

of

the

beginning

and

the

beginning

of

forever.


End file.
